Self-Love: In-Depth Guide to Self-Care for Kids

Ultimate Guide to Self-Care for Kids

Tell me honestly, how much - as a parent, carer or just, human being - how much have you thought about self-care for kids? Enough to make it something your kids grow up learning about? Enough to know you would like to introduce to your children, but you're not sure how? Or is this maybe the first real time you are thinking about self-care for children?

Whatever your answer, welcome! You are in the right place to learn more about self-care for children! In this post you'll learn more about what self-care for kids is (and what it isn't), how it overlaps with lots of other needs and desires our children have, and also how to make it work best for you and your family. You'll almost certainly learn that you are already likely teaching your children about self-care, if sub-consciously, and this post will help you do it a bit more deliberately so that your kids reap the most benefits... and so do you!

While we may like to think that self-care and self-love are fairly new concepts in our modern times, this is not true. Self-love as a philosophical standpoint has been talked and written about since ancient times, and the idea of looking after oneself is just as old. The terms themselves and their modern day usage, however, are more recent but even so can be found in wide usage from the middle of last century. While both are now widely used and discussed, and you can read more about the history of self-care and self-love here, I'm not sure the same can be said for any conscious discussion or focus on self-care for kids or nurturing self-love in children.

That's why I'm writing specifically about self-love and self-care for children today, to make sure that we begin to discuss these important topics with our kids as early as possible so that it all becomes second nature and thus a lot more natural and effective to talk about, to practise and to nurture in our children. If you're already familiar with what self-care looks like and you are already talking about it with your children, but you just want some more specific self-care activities for kids - I've got you covered here! This post has over 30 different self-care activities for kids of all ages from newborns to teenagers, although the focus is really on kids aged 0 - 6 because that is when I believe they are most impressionable and when you learn something at this age, it really has great power to stick around for life, even if in a dynamic form.

But back to this post on self-care for kids! As it has become unexpectedly long so I've broken it down into the following sections, so be sure to scroll down to where you want to be:

  • Why is Self-Care for Children So Important?
  • Self-Care for Kids Vs Self-Love for Kids
  • Self-Care for Kids: What is it?
  • General Tips for Nurturing Self-Care in Kids
  • Self-Care Ideas for Kids - Hygiene, Physical and Emotional

Why is Self-Care for Children So Important?

When people ask me what I want for my children when they grow up, I don't think about education or qualifications, about professional achievements or other career ambitions. I don't even think about what kind of family I hope for them to have, or where I would like them to live. I really now only focus on one thing: When I think about my children growing up, and being adults moving around this world as independent beings, all I want and hope for is that they have self-love - deep, deep, solid, reassuring, comforting, powerful and empowering self-love.

As with most things you want your kids to learn, the earlier you expose and educate them about something the better chance you have of them understanding and adopting it. This is obviously a very powerful fact and as parents and carers we naturally apply this to many things - sharing, being kind, eating healthy foods - and yet I don't believe we really think about it or act on it enough when it comes to self-care or even self-love for kids. I believe that my generation, and previous generations, have always had more of a focus on physical, academic, professional and even life-status milestones and achievements when raising their children, and very little time or focus has been or is spent on thinking about mental health, our sense of self, our identities, and our love and appreciation of all these things as real indicators of happiness and well-being.

Many scholars, writers and great minds have long turned to the inner self to find truth, comfort, and sense, and many modern day thought leaders continue to advocate for nurturing a strong sense, love and and appreciation of one's self, presenting it as key to surviving great hardship, struggle and challenges in life. Few can argue with the importance of self-care in simply living a fulfilling, meaningful life, and arguably the last year has proven this on many levels. However, are we doing enough to bring these facts and findings to our children's attention before they reach adulthood? Possibly not.

It is revealing that I consciously came to self-love and self-care so late in life - in my 30s - as it proves I didn't really have any cornerstone understanding of what it is to nurture self-love or to deliberately and regularly practise self-care. Even now as I stare 40 firmly in the face, I still am figuring the most effective self-care activities that really fill my cup. This is largely because I am still getting to know who I am and what works for me both in terms of my energy, but just as significantly, it's also because I often experience guilt and shame attached to any kind of activity I do for myself that may be viewed as "lazy", "selfish" or "unproductive".

While my parents were always (and still are!) very good at reminding me to rest and to look after myself well - often when I was doing too much - it was often more reactive than proactive. I also lacked a fuller understanding of how to practise self-care in ways that were truly replenishing - shopping, nights out and over-exercising were my go-to "self-care" for most of my 20s! - and when to do it so it could be most effective. It was far from intuitive or natural for me to hit pause, even when I really, really needed to. Furthermore, the same messages weren't being sent from my schools, from the media I was exposed to, and also from my peers, educators, employers or other people in my life. It's this that I want to be different when it comes to self-care for my children.

From my own personal experience, I have found considerable comfort during times of difficulty in my life - post-natal depression, on-off anxiety for most of the last five years, and periods of stress, grief and loss - in focusing on my own well-being, seeking out effective self-care activities that bring joy or sense of purpose. This has fueled my love and admiration for practising positive affirmation. I have written more about why and how positive affirmations work, and in short, in the last five years I have gone from thinking affirmation a load of nonsense to now having vast experience of it as a surprisingly powerful tool in stopping negative thought spirals and boosting my confidence and sense-of self-love.

Needless to say, my understanding and adoption of self-care would have been much quicker and easier had I been taught more about it as a child. That's effectively why I am writing this post, and why I believe self-care and self-love for kids is so very important.

Self-Care for Kids v. Self-Love for Kids

I can appreciate that this post may have already left you a little confused about what we're talking about; is it self-care for children? Or is it self-love for kids that's the focus of this blog post? Well, in all honesty, it's both!

But perhaps it will help to dive a bit deeper into why I am going to focus on self-care for kids specifically, even though self-love is very much sewn into everything I am writing about here, as well as in this post on self-care activities for kids.

If self-love is the goal, self-care has to be part of the journey to get there.

Yes, self-love is a journey too, as it will often come across obstacles and set-backs, but I think it's important to highlight that while it's an all-encompassing term, self-care in this post should be seen as a framework to apply across many different aspects of life. It's a set of approaches, ideas, tools and activities, that when implemented will help self-love to grow. I hope by clarifying this first you will understand what the difference is for this article's purposes and why I will talk predominantly about self-care for children, although self-love for kids is something we should also be talking about and keeping in mind as you read on.

Self-Care for Kids: What is it?

Self-care for kids is what it sounds like: It's children looking after themselves and their well-being.

This can and should encompass a number of different things from their hygiene and safety, through to their mental well-being, self-esteem and sense of self. With this in mind, if you're already a parent or carer to young children, you are almost certainly already teaching kids self-care when you help them learn how to clean their teeth, put on their clothes, wash themselves, and even feed themselves.

This post is going to look at self-care for children that focuses more on helping them look after their mental and emotional health, but in doing so it will encompass activities that will also naturally have a positive impact on their physical well-being too.

Of course, self-care for kids will look different when talking about toddlers and pre-school aged children, compared with kids of primary school age, and likewise, when it comes to teenagers, it's true that self-care will look very different. I also want to add that this post was originally mostly written with neurotypical and non-disabled children in mind HOWEVER, I have edited it to be more inclusive on neurodiverse children and children with learning or physical disabilities. It is not my intention to discount or distance any child with these activities but I know some of them will be more accessible to some children than others. Keeping this in mind, I have tried to talk about self-care for kids ideas that can be done by a wide range of children, and it's also why I haven't put much onus on ages, physical abilities or development milestones.

To be transparent further, as I write this, my kids are currently aged two and five, so my own experience is with toddlers and under-6s and this may well be what the post focuses on. I hope to update this post in the future with more suggestions as and when my kids grow older and we nurture this self-care and self-love journey together.

General Tips for Nurturing Self-Care in Kids

I have been greatly helped by knowing a bit about Montessori education when it comes to self-care for children. Here in the Netherlands, self-care is a key component of Montessori teaching practices. Indeed much of the Montessori ethos focuses on self-determination and nurturing independence, and to do this, a certain amount of self-care practice is encouraged. With Montessori teachings in mind, as you read on about self-care for children, I highly recommend keeping the following mantra in mind, which Montessori practitioner and teacher Simone Davies introduced to me, "Help as little as possible and as much as necessary."

Below are some of the key things I think about when looking at my general, daily and consistent approach to self-care.

  • Encourage kids to do things for themselves from the outset. This not only helps them develop new skills but also helps build their sense of self-worth. Resist the urge to do everything for your child, or to make life "easier" for them by doing things for them when they are things they themselves are able to learn or can maybe already do. Yes, I know this can be quite hard, especially when want to save time or not risk a spillage or mess, but personal experience has taught me that children can often do more than we expect, and they learn so quickly and efficiently that any messes or wait times also quickly disappear or get reduced. As a general rule, before you do anything for your child, ask yourself, would it help them if I let them try to do this alone? 
  • Speak positively about your children in front of them, always. Our kids are listening to us even when we are not talking to them. How they see themselves is primarily informed by how the adults around them see and talk about them. I will hold my hands up and say I have failed at this in the past, and I am embarrassed and ashamed of this, but it's in recognising our mistakes that we correct them, and I now keep this much firmly in mind. Once your child is old enough to repeat the things they have heard you say - about them or not, positive or negative - it's quite a sobering experience!
  • Speak positively about yourself in front of them, always. This is just as important, if not more important because it is in modelling certain behaviours consistently that our children learn the most. This doesn't mean I always think good things about myself, but I just try to keep those thoughts to myself or share them with someone else. Truth be told, for a long time I was in a near constant negative conversation with myself and that's one of the reasons I have become a committed fan of positive affirmations to try and reverse this trend or start new more positive conversations with myself.
  • Make it easy for kids to practise self-care. Again this is where Montessori comes into its own by even encouraging you to always think about the spaces your children inhabit. Many practitioners suggest creating a "self-care station" for children where they can access a sink, hairbrush tissues, their toothbrushes and anything else they need to look after themselves. But I don't believe you need a special dedicated self-care area, just ways and means to make the things they need accessible (so a step up to the sink, or a shelf at their level where they can keep things). In my eldest son's room all of his clothes are accessible easily by him and are organised enough so that he can find what he needs to get dressed. In both of my boys' rooms they have easy access to their beds (so they can get in and out by themselves) and they have book shelves that are easily accessible so any time they want to rest and read they can. In their play area they also have a reading corner with cushions to lie on too.

  • Set your kids up to succeed. This is something I think about a lot when I'm parenting and not just in the realm of self-care or self-love. While some may read it as "making your kids life as easy as possible" I think this is truly not the same thing. It's more a case of creating environments where kids can learn and work most effectively and this doesn't only mean the physical or home environment, but rather ensuring the things that influence how a child learns are not getting in their way or making their life harder. This extends to so many things, but I like to think about it in terms of what is influencing them at any given moment. This involves asking myself - and them! - lots of questions. Are they hungry? Are they tired? Have they already done a lot of physical work? Or mental work? Are they comfortable in what they're wearing and where they are playing or working? Have they eaten enough nutritious foods? Drunk enough water? Are they over- or under-stimulated? Examining all these things (and many more!) and doing so noticeably so your child sees you considering things that may impact their mood or energy levels will encourage them to slowly (and it is quite slowly because my five-year-old HATES being told he is tired!) they will start to do this independently and will learn how to set themselves up for success.
  • Talk about self-care, emotions, thoughts and feelings regularly and openly. One of the easiest and most effective ways to do this is to simply talk about how you are feeling, what you are thinking and about the kind of sensations - good and bad - that your emotions make you feel. Nothing is taboo in our house, and I have found that once my eldest son turned three we could talk about even quite complicated or "adult" topics quite frankly and in terms he could understand (yes, even sex!). I am aware only too well how there will come a time when my sons may not feel very comfortable talking to me about their bodies or feelings and I am doing my best to install the message that I will always answer their questions honestly (and consistently - this is super important!) and that the door is always open for chats about anything. What's actually much harder for me is being vocal and visible about how and when I practise self-care myself. I am sometimes not very good at practising what I preach and often this gives my kids a confusing or even contradictory message if I'm saying one thing but doing another - kids are smart! Something for me to keep working on.
  • Have a routine that includes time for self-care and fluctuating energy levels. Another thing that Montessori practitioners and parents swear by is routine, and the research does go some way to prove that most kids thrive from routine, and indeed this starts with babies and infants. Most routines are built around sleep (be it naps or wake-up/bedtimes) and meal times, two activities that can be talked about in the context of self-care, and indeed many self-care activities can be added in to help kids prepare for these things, like washing hands and faces, getting themselves dressed, and having a bath before bedtime. While every day is slightly different for us, so our routines also need some flexibility, we do have some recurring activities that help structure our days and weeks. In order to ensure my eldest has some rest every day, I have introduced "quiet time" for him. It happens after lunch, when my youngest is typically having his nap (most of the time!) and when both he and I often experience a little lull in our energy levels. My son gets an iPad, a stack of books or some colouring activities and we sit together and do quiet things together or apart. We talk a lot about this time before and after it happens and he knows now that it is to help save some energy for the rest of the day and that it's also time for Mummy's self-care too!
  • Model good self-care behaviour. As mentioned many times above (and likely below too!), modelling the behaviour you want your kids to learn is arguably the best way to teach your kids anything, so as much as you can, think about how you can practise self-care in front of your kids, or at least let them know when you're doing it somewhere else, and talk about it. My eldest often asks me what I do after he is in bed and I tell him that that's Mummy's time for resting, reading, watching TV or doing things I like to do to relax or be creative. In this post, I share many self-care activities for kids that you can easily do alongside them and you may well feel some benefits too, but I also know it may not always feel like "real" self-care if you're doing something in the same room as your kids, but that's a good reason to ensure you get other self-care time when your children are asleep or elsewhere.

Self-Care Ideas for Kids

Below you will find some specific self-care ideas for kids. These are designed to be things children can do as part of their daily or weekly routines that relate to three types of self-care; hygiene, physical and emotional.

As much as possible, it's good to do these things pro-actively as well as in response to a certain event or situation, but as you will read, I personally find this quite hard to remember to do and it's important to forgive yourself if you don't "get it right" all the time. Self-forgiveness is self-care and self-love too! And yes, this is another facet of self-care for kids that you should practise openly in front of them!

Hygiene Self-Care Ideas for Kids

Teaching kids good hygiene from an early age has been one of the biggest surprises of motherhood for me in terms of how easy it is, how much joy and self-esteem it brings them, and how it can often save me time and work too! It is also a great learning opportunity for other topics such as body autonomy, consent, personal space and boundaries.

Of course kids don't always do it or to the same "standard" as I would like, but for me, body autonomy is a lot more important than me ensuring my kids are pristine, and that is what I like to focus on. Most kids also don't stay neat or tidy for very long because of how naturally active and exploratory they are, so it's not really about being clean but rather teaching them how to look after their own hygiene and bodies for themselves.

  • Teeth-cleaning, hair-brushing, washing face and hands, bathing, getting dressed, and even hair washing or applying moisturiser or creams are great regular ways to teach kids about hygiene and good body self-care. Many of these activities can begin as early as 12-18 months and certainly some can be introduced to their routines earlier. By the age of two most children will be able to manage most of these activities independently, if with some assistance or supervision. Remember, help as little as possible and as much as necessary!
  • Older kids (say 5+) can start trimming their own nails, tying up or plaiting their hair, painting their nails, running themselves a bubble bath, having showers independently, or even doing a (kid-friendly!) face mask or hair treatment. As with most things, when things are "fun" they will be more inclined to do them so buying new nail polish, colourful sponges or flannels and their own manicure sets could be great ways to get them interested.
  • Bath bombs, colourful soaps, bath toys, bath paints, nail polish paint, giving them their own hair brushes and tooth brushes, are all fun and creative ways to get kids interested and taking ownership of these hygiene-related self-care acts.
  • Washing hands regularly is something (somewhat sadly) all kids have had to learn in the last twelve months and we have found it helpful to do counting exercises or singing songs while we do it so that they have learned to be thorough with "making bubbles" with soap and also washing them off again.
  • When possible, I also occasionally include my children in choosing new soaps, bubble baths, toothpastes or shampoos so that they can choose their favourite "smells". Again this helps them get interested and invested in these tasks that sometimes aren't their favourite things to do (especially hair washing in our house!).

  • Get kids involved with clothes washing and caring for their clothes. This is something I have only just recently started and I have to be honest and say it came about more from feeling like I was being taken for granted as the Clothes Washing Fairy than any other reason, but once again I've been surprised how quickly both my boys have taken to helping out a bit with clothes washing and also with caring for their own clothes. Now when I say "help", I don't mean they're doing it for me, but now when it's bath time and they get undressed, I ask them to check their clothes to see what needs to be washed and what doesn't, and for them to then put their clothes in the corresponding piles. You'd also be surprised how "fun" they find folding their clothes, hanging out things on the washing line and also filling and emptying the washing machine. Yes, this may fall more under domestic chores than self-care but for me wearing nice, clean clothes feels like a small self-care act - not to mention lightening my domestic load a little - so I am including it as I hope the same is true for my kids one day, if not right now.
  • On another note regarding clothes and getting dressed, some kids love to choose their own clothes from as early as one or two, and others don't have much interest in it for many years to come. If your children do like to choose their clothes, I believe this is a great way to encourage a child to express themselves and nurture self-love by wearing what they want. It can also be a helpful way to also learn about comfort and what they need to feel safe. I have found it excruciating some days to let me sons go outside on freezing cold days without the gloves and hats they vehemently refused to wear, but I have used it as a learning opportunity (for me and them!) so that they can begin to not only understand consequences of not dressing for the weather, but also respecting their wishes about their bodies and how they should do the same for others' bodies.

Physical Self-Care Ideas for Kids

Five years ago I possibly would have looked at physical self-care as "exercise, exercise, exercise" for myself and my children, but the physicality of parenting - and four years of on-off sleep deprivation - have helped me see that physical self-care is as much about rest for the body as it is exercise, and this is what I want my boys to grow up learning too.

Physical self-care for kids, I believe, also refers to learning about their own body, feeling love and no shame about their bodies, having respect for other peoples' bodies, and also learning more about consent, boundaries and body autonomy. Unlike many of the previous hygiene examples above, below are self-care ideas for kids that you can often do together as well as independently. I'm not saying they'll fill your cup as well as if you were doing them solo, but hey, it's nice to have the option.

  • Try out lots of different types of movement and exercises. Young babies and children discover the world through their bodies and through all five senses, so it's important from an early age to let them try out different activities, types of movement, sports and exercises. This will also help them get to know how their bodies work and what they enjoy doing, and what they don't enjoy doing. Not only does movement and exercise help physical development, it's also be proven to help refine other skills such a literacy. But exercise and movement should always be something kids also do to celebrate their bodies and build positive relationships with them. My son is all too quick to say "I can't do it" when he's doing something in a sport or in a playground that he's never done before, and I try to use it as an opportunity to encourage positive self-talk,and for him to also find out what is scary or hard but still worth trying, or what is too hard and too scary and therefore not enjoyable. It is always okay for kids to not like certain things, but it's important to encourage them to be curious about why they don't like something, and I have found talking about it some time after the fact helps them feel more prepared to try again another time.
  • Talk about movement and bodies with your kids. Kids are maybe not yet as intuitive about what feels good in their bodies or where there energy is at on any given day. Exercise and movement is a great way to help them find out how active they are feeling, or if their bodies have aches or pains, or if they would rather rest. My sons often see me doing some stretches before or after a run and I try to make an effort of talking about how my body feels saying things like "Phew, that was a hard run so I went slow to be gentle on my body" or "That was a really good run - I felt like I was flying! Good work, legs!". It sounds silly but these are the kind of positive things I want my kids to say about their bodies
  • Stretching and breathing exercises. In line with the point above, we do a lot of stretching and deep breathing in our house. My eldest now knows stretching in the morning is a great way to wake his body up and we are starting to introduce this to my two-year-old by sometimes getting on the floor together and pretending to be cats and cows (i.e. doing cat and cow stretching with arched and inverted backs. I try to be very pro-active about encouraging deep breaths in my children, but I have to admit the majority of the time they do them is when someone is already stressed, but I have been consistent with this and now I do hear my eldest boy do it independently when he is getting frustrated or angry with something. I have also found one of the best ways to teach my kids to calm down with deep breaths is by doing it yourself. Some days I say "Mummy is feeling a bit stressed/overwhelmed so I'm going to take a nice big breath" ten times a day, but it's okay if I need to do that because some days they will also need to do it ten or more times! Doing yoga for children is a great way to try out some stretching and breathing exercises with your kids and we like Cosmic Kids Yoga on YouTube and many of the breathing and stretching, and meditating exercises on the Headspace app.

  • Have safe physical play environments. We are very fortunate to have some great outdoor and indoor play areas in our city (Amsterdam) and these are the best places to go when kids need some physical play or exercise. We are also lucky to have some sports clubs accessible to our kids, but over the last year when these were cancelled and playing in indoor play areas on rainy days wasn't possible, I've had to get creative about creating safe physical play environments for my boys at home. Honestly, the best way I have managed to do this is often by removing breakables from our living room and letting them create their own obstacle course from sofa cushions and blankets for an hour or so. They also do have a playroom which I try to keep as clear as possible so they can move around and do physical movement, and we are lucky enough to have a garden that we go out in as much as the weather allows. But that said, kids really don't need a lot of props or even that much space. Again there are lots of fitness and dance videos for kids on YouTube that they can do in small indoor spaces so try one of those if you don't feel adventurous enough to let your kids run around (and I don't blame you!).
  • Having quiet and calm spaces too. Having a space for physical rest is just as important and as mentioned above I have done this by creating a reading nook with cushions in my boys' playroom. We also keep their bedrooms as mostly just for sleep and rest (so minimal toys and no other distractions). It's important to acknowledge we are very privileged to have this much space that we can do that. If you don't have the same amount of space, then you could easily just make your child's bed their place for rest and quiet time, or just have a box of books somewhere in a corner near a chair or sofa and encourage them to pick books they want there, or if they want to leave a cuddly there. Soon I will be adding a desk to my son's room so he can do more quiet-time activities like colouring, crafting and LEGO building by himself in his room too so that could be an idea for older kids. We also encourage our sons to listen to music that reflect their moods - or indeed music that could help their moods! - so maybe a chill playlist on Spotify is something worth looking up, and my two-year-old has been sleeping with a piano lullaby music playlist since he was a few weeks old.
  • Rest after physical exertion. When you consider that many adults aren't very good at resting when they need to, it's even harder for kids to instinctively know when they should be resting - especially when there are often so many fun things to be doing! Except it could also be true that the "pushing through" or "burning the candle at both ends" is a learned behaviour and so there's an opportunity here to teach kids about rest after both physical and mental exertion. Again, modelling this behaviour is one of the most effective strategies - I often have a bath at the end of a hard or stressful day and I talk about this with my kids, or I do my stretching after a run in front of them - but they will also learn when you talk to them about how there body is feeling after lots of physical effort. It's also always good to schedule "down-time" for them, rather than back-to-back busy or physical activities. They may not always adhere to it but they will at least have an opportunity to rest!

  • Rest when unwell or injured. Likewise, you should always model resting when unwell or injured, although this is often easier said than done when you have young children, and when your child(ren) aren't feeling 100% for whatever reason, make rest an easy thing to do for them.
  • Ask your child before you touch them. Yes, this touches (no pun intended!) more on consent than self-care specifically, but they definitely overlap because when we teach our kids to have love and respect for themselves, and to care for their own minds and bodies, they will be much more inclined to do the same for others. And it doesn't have to be as regimented or awkward as it sounds. In our family, I try to always say "Hug?" or "Kiss?" when I want to show them affection, and if they say no, I accept that and don't do it regardless. And if I need to touch their bodies for any other reason, I try to explain why and how I need to touch them and where. I also ask them to do the same when it comes to touching me - it's not always successful and I do admittedly forget a lot (because when you're with your kids all day every day you are inevitably touching or sharing personal space A LOT) but whenever we talk about our bodies and touching, I try to explain that all bodies need looking after and this is one way they can do that for both their own body and others' bodies.
  • Ensure children regularly see lots of different body types. How our kids feel about their bodies is hugely influenced by the other body types they see. Children are naturally curious and have lots of questions about things, but they are not as quick to form strong opinions on things, and this includes body types - they stay brilliantly curious! To clarify, I'm not talking about naked bodies, but rather all the different body types that exist in our world! When it comes to abled and disabled bodies, bodies with skin colours that are different to their own, and bodies that are physically different from their own, it's very important children know that ALL these bodies exist in the world, and they are all worthy of love and respect. I try to ensure that my children know they have a safe place to talk about noticing differences. Again, when they have a strong understanding of and good relationship with their own bodies and what it can and can't do, they will be more likely to be accepting and positive about other bodies. At home, we do this mostly through books; my kids have had books with black, brown and white characters since birth, ones with characters who are disabled, and I try to make sure no one body type (or skin colour) is dominant across all our books. Super importantly, we pick books where the characters' skin colour or disability is NOT the main storyline, and if the book is about differences and diversity, that they are books which prompt questions and discussions with our kids - here's a list of some of our favourite children's books. We also choose TV shows that are representative of the world, and we encourage our children to play in public spaces and parks where they can mix with kids that don't just look like them. I could write a whole other blog post on this topic, but the most important thing is we talk about differences in a very positive way, and we never silence or shame our kids when they have questions.

Emotional Self-Care Ideas for Kids

The emotional well-being of my kids is a top priority for me because, as a child, I had many big emotions and little understanding how to manage or respond to them. My parents were wonderful in helping me - buying me journals, encouraging me to write or create other art, and always being approachable to talk about feelings - and I want to carry this on with my own sons.

Here are some of the ways I am doing this with my kids with a view to encouraging them to nurture healthy emotional well-being through self-care.

  • Let your kids cry! Encouraging your children to have a positive relationship with sad, angry or hard emotions is essential, and one way you can do this is by never reproaching them or stopping them crying. Kids cry not just when they're sad but also when they are angry, tired, frustrated, scared, lonely, anxious etc. And children will not always know exactly why they feel the need to cry, but even that in itself could feel overwhelming or unnerving. When children naturally want to cry, it's their bodies way of releasing a possibly quite stressful feeling or reaction so we should never tell them 'not to cry' as in some ways it's effectively saying "stop feeling things", which can prompt feelings of shame in our kids. I try to reassure my boys that it's always okay to cry if they need to, and that doing so may help them feel better. Again, I try to model this behaviour by not always hiding away from them when I need to cry.

  • Let them have a safe space to release other big emotions. Kids also express their feelings and emotions in other ways like screaming, shouting, banging things, stamping their feet, and even biting or hitting things. When children are very young (under 4) they may do these things instinctively and it will take some time for them to learn a better way to release the stress they're feeling. At this young stage, the best thing you can do is create a safe space for them to have this release. If they're hurting themselves or other people in the process, then of course, that needs to be addressed, but one of the ways you can do this is by continuing to give your child comfort and reassurance when they are distressed so that they can come out of this heightened mood which is making them lash out. Even if you have to do it from a distance, or after taking a break to look after yourself, it's important our children know they're not alone and ultimately how we help them through big emotions is how they will go on to help themselves, i.e. with reassuring words, deep breaths and time and space to recover. By letting them know where, what and who they can turn to when they feel overwhelmed with big emotions, you will help them choose that method again when they feel these things bubble up.
  • Exploring emotions through books. Books are again one of the best ways to encourage kids to be curious about their feelings. We have many brilliant books that touch on the many different feelings we experience and specifically how to manage the difficult or unpleasant ones. My favourite books about these topics are the series by Tom Percival, namely Ruby's Worry and Ravi's Roar. My kids love reading them again and again, and sometimes they prompt a discussion about feelings and other times, they don't, and this is completely fine. It's good to let the information just sink in sometimes rather than forcing a dedicated conversation each time. That is definitely something to remember when introducing children to new ways to practise self-care.
  • Exploring emotions through art. While some children will be happier doing artistic things than others, most kids will enjoy making art in one way or another, and indeed once kids are able to talk about their feelings and also recognise emotions in others, then they may benefit from exploring this further through art. From simply drawing faces that express different feelings, through to challenging kids to find colours that are happy, angry, sad, scared, excited etc., we are encouraging our kids to stay curious about emotions and also knowing that all feelings are okay and normal and most importantly, safe to talk about with us as their paents. Again, I find the best engagement with activities like this happen when I do them alongside my children, and luckily for me, I quite enjoy painting and colouring-in too so that's a self-care win-win for all!

  • Exploring emotions through music. Same as above really, but bringing music into your children's lives is a really great way to talk about emotions. Even from as young as three or four, children will be able to tell you if a song is "happy" or "sad" (in major or minor key) and if it's a song for dancing, resting, sleeping or running around! They don't need to understand or even hear every single word of the lyrics to get a feeling for whether a song is sad, happy, has lots of energy, or is relaxing. All you have to do is play some music (and no, I'm not talking about nursery rhymes, but whatever it is you enjoy!) and ask your kids "How does this make you feel?" or you can simply tell them how a song makes you feel. That's the beauty of music; it's quite obvious how it could make you feel. In our house, we talk a lot about music that's for dancing, music for relaxing and music for using up lots of energy (i.e. just running around!) and we choose the songs we need in line with this as and when we need a dance or a backing track for quieter activities.
  • Talking about your own emotions. We can't expect our children to have the language, the ease, or the confidence to talk about their emotions if we do not. I appreciate for some adults this will come easier than others, and I am lucky in many respects that I have always been naturally able to identify and feel my feelings (although sometimes this has felt like a curse!) and for my partner it's much more difficult but since having children he has become so much more confident talking about what he is feeling, how he is feeling it and what he may need to feel better. Naming emotions, talking about how they make us feel and importantly, not instantly moving to make our kids feel better or solve their problems instantly is key to helping children talk about how they feel so that they can then be curious about these emotions and self-determining how they can help themselves feel better, and if possible, avoid stressful emotions in the future through good self-care and nicely topped-up self-love too.

And that's the end of this monster guide to self-care for kids. Remember to go and check out this list of more specific self-care activities for children, and if you're interested, here's a post all about the history of self-care and self-love too.

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Frances M. Thompson

Londoner turned wanderer, Frankie is an author, freelance writer and blogger. Currently based in Amsterdam, Frankie was nomadic for two years before starting a family with her Australian partner. Frankie is the author of three short story collections, and is a freelance writer for travel and creative brands. In 2017, she launched WriteNOW Cards, affirmation cards for writers that help build a productive and positive writing practice. When not writing contemporary fiction, Frankie shops for vintage clothes, dances to 70s disco music and chases her two young sons around Amsterdam.
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